| new livejournal |
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| 04:52pm 05/08/2003 |
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my new name is dprssdkd please add me and i will add you back. |
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| "it could take years to find you, it could years to find myself |
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| 10:15pm 24/02/2003 |
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mood:  crappy music: trapt
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well, today was...a day. i went sledding with Mark, Amy, and Kelcie.
first we went to Amy's mamaw's house but the hill wasn't big enough for us (me and Mark) so we went to this church by there and the hill was great. it was fun, great times were had.
i was going to read some more of my book today but i will do that later tonight.
i am siked for sat. we have our choralier comp.
tomorrow - prom fashion show meeting
wednesday - work
thursday - choralier practice
friday - work
saturday - choralier comp.
sunday - rest
well, that is a busy week i have ahead of me, i also have some tests at school won't be too hard, im not too worried.
well, im going to get off of here and make a couple of phone calls...tootles all
chris |
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| "don't fallow your heart cause it just seems to get in your way" |
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| 10:32pm 23/02/2003 |
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mood:  curious music: saves the day
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well, first of all, i started talking to Nick again, great times will be had in the future with that. im really glad we started talking again tonight...i have to admit it was a little weird but it will get easier and better and funner, im sure of that.
secondly, i have to go into a lot of different stuff in this update. why can't you just start over all fresh and new again? tha sucks, i really want that to happen. why can't i never have existed in your lifes? i wish you were all skitso so i could just vanish out of your minds...is there a way for me to do so? then i could come back in and just be all different and actually be worth all of your time.
i want to be where nobody knows who i am and where i don't know anyone as well. i don't know...i have made so many wrong turns in my life and although everyone will say this is just high school, i still hate it all the same as if it were college or later.
so, i hate my life very much, i know i shouldn't but i do. i know that it is my faut for hating it and my actions.
i think i just need to start all over again...it will be hard, and it will be a lot of heart breaks, but in the end it will be ok...i get the good feelign when i think about it...and im getting it right now. well, everyone, im sorry, im going to start over tomorrow...it is going to be effing hard but i hope it will happen, it will take a lot of time, this is an experiment.
-chris- |
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| "I'm not asking for everything But sure I could use a hand" |
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| 12:15am 22/02/2003 |
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mood:  crushed music: darkness
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well...worked sucked, today sucked...this week sucks...life sucks. Well, i don't know why, but yet i do...i am so freaking confused right now and it seems that nobody is there to help me...there is Bryan C...thank you Bryan for talking to me at work today about the worries of life. it gets rather depressing there at times when you aren't there...lol
im sitting here in complete darkness listening to some music, right now So Co is on, it is making me feel sad.
i am waiting to see if Erin gets online so we can talk about things but it doesn't look like she is going to...oh well, i guess we can just put it off for later. she came through the drive thru today...yeah...
i have been thinking a whole lot the past few weeks and some desicions are going to have to be made, very tough ones at that. what is right and wrong here? i have no clue. this cannot be right though, or else i would not feel this deep into depression, i don't care what the hell any of you say about me, or the rumors spread towards me, i know others do though, and even though you say you don't...i know that it changes your opinion of me, and i accept that for what it is...
i just need to leave this place forever, go off to a better place, somewhere where nobody knows who i am and i know nobody there, that is a place i long for right now...start fresh...it is possible? i think it is, but can i do it? i don't know yet...it is going to be very hard these next few months...i just can't wait until summer.
-chris- |
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| There Is |
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| 10:43pm 16/02/2003 |
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Hey Erin, this one is for you, cause you know there is, no matter how hard things will get, you always have to keep in your mind that there is. that is why this lj entry is just for you and only you...i don't care who reads it, they will see that this is only for you, cause 'there is'.
no matter what, i'll always be here for you and always will i care for you, you are an amazing girl, don't let anyone tell you differently...and always remember, there is...you mean so much...
-chris- |
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| Song of Myself |
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| 12:10pm 08/02/2003 |
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mood:  blank music: afi - morning star
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This is the song of myself,
the song the angels have stopped singing
Loneliness is the path that has been put forth
Although i do not like this path
i hear them
i hear the souls of a once great society call for me
i fallow
i lead myself down the weary street "they" call life.
They will sing the song the angels have forgotten
--the song of myself that is
At the end of the road i am
the song they once sand has stopped
they tricked me into this HELL
everything i saw was fake
a trick to lead me down this road
now that i'm at the end, there is no turning back
i am here now and here i am to stay
i will not fallow the rest of society
i will fallow myself.
they once sang the song of myself but--like
the angle--they too ave stopped
i am so lost
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well, that was a poem that i had to write for English class, i may have mispelled so words, maybe the grammer isn't all correct or there, and i know that some stuff is capitalized that shuldn't and vise versa...but yeah....well, i guess it is time for me to end this...tootles.
-diva- |
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| "crazy emo kid...too cool to smile." |
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| 10:24pm 23/01/2003 |
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mood: crappy music: saves the day - three miles down
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i don't know is going on now a days, i love all of you and i hope you know that. i have no ideal what i would do without you guys/gals...you know who you all are if you read this (all of my friends, just in case you don't get the hint...hee hee hee) im sitting here listening to dashboard.confessional, horray for me...that isn't that depressing.
i don't care what people say about this band/singer, whatever you want to call it, it makes me think and thinking is what gets me this way, and this way i can get my mind set on the correct path.
i know what im saying makes no sence what-so-ever but hey, im not really one to care right now.
"feels a little awkward, you won't talk but we're not fighting..." yeah, i can't use that quote enough...this is my journal i guess and i am about to pour my emotions out here, some of you will take this moment and jump all over me, trying to prove me wrong from the past and what not and for those people i say to have fun cause i am through with that crap...
i sit here all day and do nothing with my life...i mean i go to work, do homework and hang out...few times. i guess that is the role of a teenager.
i feel as though i am missing something though, i look back on some events and i am like, wow, that was awesome and then i think that it will never happen again, no matter how hard you try, you cannot get that moment in the past the same, ever again and that saddens me... although there are things i am glad are over but yet i do not regret them. everyone i have ever came in contact with-- and i donnot mean those i rarely talk to, i mean those who have a past with me--i thank you because you are the ones that helped me be who i am today, if it wasn't for you i would be totally different right about now...i would have different friends, a different view on life, and maybe a different location...who knows what could have changed. but i know, it is time to change the cd cause this one is over...
ok, yay for saves the day. now where was i? i don't know, well i do but that thought has now changed. i always do that, when i am in the middle of one thought, another one pops into my mind, executing the last one. but i guess that is just how my mind works.
well, this livejournal was a waist of reading time/space i guess...i just have a few things to say to a few people.
Mark-you are really my brother and i would do anything for ya, you know that, just ask and it is done. im really glad you decided to stay here this year cause i don't know how i would make it through this year without you. i thank you for that.
Brittany P.-thank you for always being there for me, even when i say im alright you know better than that and i thank you for not giving up on me. the past sucks sometimes but thank you for sticking through it with me.
Erin H.-i know the things you are going through may not be the best but im here for you and thank you for making me smile and happy the other day when nobody else was able too...im really thanking you for that. you lightened up my day and just trust me, i know that things will get better and you, nor i, are not a lone...
well, i think i should be heading out now, it has taken a lot of space up, i think at least and i appologize for making your friends list all me, you can delete me if you would lik. :-/
tootles,
chris |
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| if i say that im happy, will you believe me...? |
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| 09:46pm 05/01/2003 |
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mood: depressed music: "the ticking of the clock on the wall"
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well, another day and another night...what a day, what a night. i went shopping today at the tri-county mall with dustin, then we went to kohls. it was fun, now im tired and wore out. i have school then choraliers tomorrow from 5-9, that should be fun, i always seem to have a whole lot of fun there, too much fun actually but hey, i learn how to do the dance right so that is all that matter to me.
a lot of stuff has been hapening lately and a lot of things have been said, and i am really learning and testing my ability not to care what people say about me, nor worry if it has stupid/harsh results.
friends will come and go, as will relationships...who am i to disagree. there are those special people however, that will be there for you until then end of your days, and those are the people i love with all of my heart.
the question i asked in my title is a question i would like all of you readers to answer, and if you could, i would really appreciate it if you put a reason for your answer, after your answer. the question has some deep thoughts and by your answer i will know how you care for me...and i would just like you all to know taht i love you all and that each of you are very special to me, no matter your answer, i will still continue to love you and care for you...
goodnight and tootles |
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| "remember when you said you loved me..." |
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| 11:28pm 04/01/2003 |
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"so, yeah..." that is my day summed up in two words, one word would be, "soyeah...." cause it was crappy. found out some stuff today, not to happy stuff but still found it out. wish i didn't
i saw mindy go into dad's parking lot today so i ran up there and said hello. that was fun, she said she is trying to get into shape so she can be hot, but yet, she has already accomplished that.. ;) ;)
had choraliers today from 9-1 then work from 1-1:15-4:30(8:00) i had to stay an extra three and a half hours...fun fun fn. i just want this night to end, maybe this genereation to end as well?
"if i were king of this night, would you become my queen?"
i really wish i had my queen, then maybe i would not feel so lonely, but i don't think there is one out there for me.
at work i was asking all the girls on a scale from 1-10 how cute i was, i got two 8's and two 10's but i don't think they were serious. if i average that out it gives me a flat 9, that kind of made my day perk up a little. i think tomorrow dustin and i are going to go the tri-county mall, i cannot wait, i need to do something with my free time or im going to go insane and kill something, someone, one's self....
well, this song is over and my tears are rollin' and the funny thing about all of this, i don't even know why im sad...isn't that funny? i just get on here and pour out my emotions like a week little child and expect harsh as hell compliments back so if you have some, don't hesitate to comment, i could care less if it were mean or not.
tootle,,
your fave. lil' emo kid,
chris |
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| "Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me..." |
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| 03:30pm 29/12/2002 |
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mood: blah music: elton john
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"I can't light no more of your darkness
All my pictures seem to fade to black and white
I'm growing tired and time stands still before me
Frozen here on the ladder of my life
Too late to save myself from falling
I took a chance and changed your way of life
But you misread my meaning when I met you
Closed the door and left me blinded by the light
Don't let the sun go down on me
Although I search myself, it's always someone else I see
I'd just allow a fragment of your life to wander free
But losing everything is like the sun going down on me
I can't find, oh the right romantic line
But see me once and see the way I feel
Don't discard me just because you think I mean you harm
But these cuts I have they need love to help them heal"
-Elton John
your FAVORITE dive,
Christopher R. Moore |
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| HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOHNNA |
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| 01:32am 28/12/2002 |
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mood: blank music: the birthday song with Johnna's name in it.
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOHNNA ! ! ! !
sorry i couldn't make it to your little party at dragon place, i will hopefully see you soon cause i got something you need to see. :) you will like it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOHNNA ! ! ! ! |
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| Very late night... |
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| 01:27am 28/12/2002 |
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mood: disappointed music: cursive - the radiator hums
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well, it is very late out right now and im still awake. it has been a long while since i have last updated and although i say i will continue to update on a regular basis, they may not always stay true. i was listening to Elton John on my way to and from work today...very good stuff i must say. today i went over to Cindy's house and got some pictures of her family.
i also went to work again before i had to actually be there and got some pictures of my fellow employees and fellow friends there.
then jessica martin and myself pulled a few jokes on some people and hung out for about an hour or so then i had to work. i was in drive thru cash all day.
i didn't like it at all but hey, that's ok.
i think tomorrow, or today i should say is going to be a slow day at first and then at work it shall have to be fun.
i get to work wiht jessica martin again and maybe i can work with jae jai and nessie and jessica landis, who knows.
well, im going to go off and run to bed now.
goodnight all and sweet dreams.
your diva,
chris. |
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| is today really a good day...of course not... |
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| 02:41pm 08/12/2002 |
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mood:  content music: saves.the.day
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And I will flail under these lights that seep down from the bitter sky tonight
and I will kick and beat my wrists together
and feel an ocean breathing waves, feel them licking at my face.
Ceilings don't exist and there are no floors beneath me.
If I were king of this night, would you become my queen?
And I hope, your majesty that you like your position.
I'll do everything I can to keep you by my side
and I'll stare off through the darkness to find us a kingdom.
Just kiss me before I go.
I'll have to walk a thousand miles just to find the ground deserving of your feet.
You could throw me down and walk on me
and I'd just look on through my love and through the haze.
And I hope, your majesty that you like your position.
I'll do everything I can to keep you by my side
and I'll stare off through the darkness to find us a kingdom.
Just kiss me before I go.
The nightingales are singing now.
They're calling out our marriage to our subjects on their knees.
Their jewelery is thrown into the air.
They sigh at their release as their shackles hit the ground.
The trumpets call out now.
We're home at last.
And I hope, your majesty that you like your position.
I'll do everything I can to keep you by my side
and I'll stare off through the darkness to find us a kingdom.
Just kiss me before I go."
-chris- |
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| it's been a while... |
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| 12:54am 07/12/2002 |
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well, it has been a long while since i have last updated. that is either a good thing or a bad thing.
so, what is everyone up to? im not really doing that much tonight except sitting here.
i just got out of the shower and it was a nice shower, very nice...
tomorrow, or rather today, i have choraliers at noon and the movies with jason, dustin, jessica, audra, stacey and ellizabeth(sp) and holly(maybe) and kyle. and i think that is it, who knows though...it should be fun
i have no clue what im doing before the movies though, maybe chill with some people, or watch my little brother with some "help" from people...hee hee hee.
well, as you can see, it is quite late and i have to get my things organized for tomorrow, i will hopefuly talk to all later. have a great night, wonderful dreams and be safe when out.
"your eyes are like a gateway to another world, and i want to be a part of it..."
-Chris- |
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| 01:51pm 09/11/2002 |
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mood:  crazy music: Foot Loose
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i passed... |
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| I am happy |
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| 10:22pm 29/10/2002 |
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mood:  bitchy music: Saves the Day - :Three Miles Down"
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I am happy
I am happy
I am happy
I am happy
I am happy
I am happy
I am happy
I am happy
I am happy
I am happy
I am happy
I am happy
I am happy
I am happy
I am happy
I am happy
I am happy
I am happy
I am happy
I am happy
I am happy
I am happy
I am happy
I am happy
I am happy.
If i say it again,
Would you believe me? |
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| 10:09pm 02/10/2002 |
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mood: crappy music: Eric Carmen - "all by myself"
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Stalin's best idea: Trust NOBODY |
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| "Take a look, in my face, for the last time..." |
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| 04:36pm 29/09/2002 |
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mood: depressed music: David Gray - "Say Hello, Wave Goodbye"
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"Standing at the door of the Pink Flamingo crying in the rain
Here was a kind of so-so love
And I'm going to make sure it doesn't happen again
You and I had to be, the standing joke of the year
You were the owner of the lost and found
And not for me, I feel
Take your hands off me, hey
I don't belong to you, you see
Take them in off my face, for the last time
I never knew you, you never knew me
Say hello goodbye
Say hello and wave goodbye
We try to make it work, you in a cocktail skirt
And me in a suit, but it just wasn't me
You're just a wilderness, and now your life's a mess
So insecure you see
I've put up with all the scenes,
This is one scene that started to replace my world
Take your hands off me, hey
I don't belong to you, you see
Take them off in my face, for the last time
I never knew you, you never knew me
Say hello goodbye
Say hello and wave goodbye
Say hello and wave goodbye
Under the deep red lights, I can see the make-up sliding down
Well hey little girl you will always make up
So take off that unbecoming frown
As for me well, I'll find someone who's not gonna cheapen sale
Oh a nice little housewife, who'll give me the steady life
And not keep going off the rails
Take your hands off me, hey
I don't belong to you, you see
Take them off in my face, for the last time
I never knew you, you never knew me
Say hello goodbye
Say hello and wave goodbye
Say hello and wave goodbye
Say hello and wave goodbye
Oh oh oh...
Say hello, wave goodbye
Say hello and wave goodbye
Say hello, wave goodbye
Goodbye..." |
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| "I wanna be selfish..." |
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| 02:31pm 22/09/2002 |
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mood: content music: brand new - soco amaretto lime
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I know what i want, but finding it is the hard part. I have a lot of time to think and i don't even remember what it was about. I just know that i have something im searching for... i know it has to be here in Trenton because there is no other way for me to get it if it isn't...i hate this so much. I was looking across livejournal and reading some random people's livejournal's and i got sad...i think im sick of Ohio. I really dont like it here...the place you grow up is supposed to be special to you and mean the world to you well, i hate it here and i want to get out. I am trying my hardest in school now so i can go wherever i want to and be happy there.
well...those thought just went in my mind and they went out...on the pc that is.. Im sorry for saying those things i dont know where they came from i really dont. all this talk about homecoming is just making me not want to go...so i think im not going to go. I used it as an excuse however, to call off of work..lol...well, sorry for babbling...tootles |
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